This week I found out that a woman who’s had an integral part in my growing up years has cancer. My heart is so heavy thinking about what they’re going through and remembering what it was like as a high school student to get that news about my own mom.
A few weeks ago I connected with a friend dealing with the aftermath of a breakup. I remember the feeling of being lost, “what now?”
This week I’ve seen my son acting out a lot because I’ve been out of the house working this week. It makes me wonder if I’m doing the right thing and doubt the decisions I’ve made.
These things are so hard. Life brings some really sucky things. You can’t help but wonder, why her? Why them? Why us? I can’t answer it. I’ve just prayerfully gone through my day, lifting things up to the One who can.
My devotion this morning followed David through Psalm 35 as he cried out to God when his enemies were against him. The Psalm ends with praise in who God is. My study asked me what my response is when I go through a difficult time.
I listened to a podcast yesterday about how we need to stop being proud and to ask for help. I don’t like to do that. I like to be Superwoman. To do it all on my own. To handle it. As if I’m trying to prove to the world that I’m enough, which is a ridiculous and unattainable goal. Often, it’s only the big things that I humble myself enough to ask for help—from God and others. And if I’m honest, my response in those big things is rarely praise.
On my way to work today, I noticed JJ Heller had a new song out. I listened and I cried and I listened again. It spoke right to where I am, and she put it so beautifully like she always does. Take a listen and let those words resonate with you and where you are in the unknowns and the hurts and the worries and fears.
What if the world doesn’t end when the fears come true?
What if we have what we need to make it through?
There is manna from heaven and mercies new
What if God is still here in this desert too?
What if all my life I wrestle with my worry and anxiety?
What if the thorn deep in my side is only there to help me see
That though I never ask for it, the desert is God’s gift to me?