Disclaimer: Every now and then I become a highly emotional female. In such cases it can be assumed that I am not this rude and unfeeling of a teacher. However, this (later) laughable post will hopefully reassure you that I am human, and am not always the perfectly complaint and helpful teacher that I aspire to be. <rant>
I swear if anyone else asks me to do something today, I am going to scream. And if that doesn't scare them into submission, then I'm going to punch them in the face.
It wasn't enough that I had to deal with a miserable fever and the stomach flu all in one weekend, boom, bam, one right after the other.
But then I had to miss a day of school to catch up on things that I couldn't do that weekend.
But then by missing a day of school, I had to play catch-up the next day on the things that I missed doing the first day.
But then it had to be a week that changed to a different month midway though so I had to change the calendar and a bulletin board. It doesn't sound hard, but it took an hour and a half to do.
And because I was so busy doing that, I didn't get to clear off my desk at the end of the day. Having a clean desk is peace of mind in the middle of my chaotic teaching life.
But because I had to do end-of-the-month stuff after school yesterday, I didn't get to lesson plan. So I had to lesson plan today after school.
And because I was busy lesson planning, I didn't get to clean off my desk again. There are MOUNTAINS growing before my eyes on my desk! It's alarming.
I had an extended care teacher come to my class to do work for me during Language Arts today. But because there were mountains growing on my desk, I couldn't stop my lesson to tell her what to do because the things that I needed her to do were buried alive somewhere, and by the time I found them, my children would be wrestling on the carpet and yelling at the top of their lungs because this is what I've discovered happens when you leave kindergartners to sit independently on the carpet while you talk to another adult for a couple minutes.
So all the things that I needed copied and filed and created didn't get done by someone else because I couldn't easily find them. So now I have to do them. But I can't just do them. Because I'm still playing catch-up because I was sick and missed a day and changed a month and did my lesson plans.
This sounds like "If you Give a Mouse a Cookie" except there's no cute mouse and I don't get any chocolate chip cookies. Can this story get any worse than that?
1) Tomorrow is Groundhog's Day. It snuck up on me, so I had to find a book, a worksheet, and a craft and prep it all. 2) There's been two Kindergarten tours scheduled this week so I have to have everything clean and all the children working nicely while prospective parents walk through and watch. 3) I got an email saying the first few weeks of February is when 2nd semester observations are. This is the one that my principal picks which lesson she's going to watch and doesn't tell me--she just shows up, and I'm supposed to be on my game and including all the interactive elements possible while staying on curriculum. Great. 4) I got a paper in my box for parent teacher conference sign-ups. Except, my personal schedule has changed since last time this happened, and I no longer get to school as early as I did before or stay as late as I did before. So I got a nice load of stress piled on when realizing I was going to have to wake up earlier and stay later, and I didn't have a calendar in front of me so I have no idea when this is supposed to happen or when I need to figure out what times to make available or when I need to send request slips home. 5) It's the first day of February, which means I have to have new February journal packets printed and stapled. That snuck up on me too. When I actually remembered, the copy machine had a line. 6) The last day of January was yesterday, so I have to turn in writing samples of all my students to the principal. 7) One of my parent helpers who does prep work for me on Fridays emailed to say she can't come this week. 8) Report cards envelopes were returned with comments and one over-caring parent wanted to know what she could do to help her son in the areas that turned from 4 to 3 since the last report card. So I had to analyze his report card and why I made those decisions and write a detailed letter about the change in his behavior and come up with suggestions, which to be honest was a whole load of bull because YOU CAN'T EXPECT PERFECTION FROM A 5 YEAR OLD!!!! Of COURSE they're going to get sloppy with their handwriting once they know how to write. Of COURSE they're going to get more chatty with the person they sit next to once they're more comfortable in the school setting. Of COURSE they're not going to listen and obey until the 5th time I ask them to. (Obviously, based on the fact that my voice has gotten scratchy at the end of both days I've been in this week) THEY'RE KIDS!!!!! But no, the good Miss Neal spent her whole 30 minutes of prep time at lunch to calm this mother about her darling and compliant child with explanations and suggestions of how she could [supposedly] correct this at home. 9) My sinuses are driving me nuts and giving me tension headaches and I got one of those awful swollen taste buds on my tongue so it hurts to eat. 10) My children had to practice sitting like model students for 1 minute today. How many minutes do you think that actually took them?
Did calendar get done today? No. We were too busy sitting still without making funny noises, talking, playing with the person next to us, making whiny noises, pouting, and while keeping our legs crossed and hands in our laps. Apparently this is the hardest thing I've ever asked them to do.
Side note: I just retold this story to my parents at a heightened decibel, wrinkled a newspaper next to me, yelled, and burst into tears...sobs rather. When I pulled myself together, I ate a whole bag of M&Ms by myself. I even refused to give one to my dad, claiming I needed every single one of them. I didn't care if I've been on the BRAT diet for a while now after my stomach flu fun, and my stomach should probably not be eating chocolate still. I ate them anyway.
And to top it off, I got an email from a parent when I got home asking if I knew where her son's jacket was. DO I LOOK LIKE I KEEP TRACK OF EVERYBODY'S JACKET?!?!!?!?!??!? I told her where lost jackets were in my classroom and that I didn't always have time to check every jacket left on my floor and return it to its owner considering there are at least 20 on my floor, on their chairs, under the tables, and on top of the tables at all times during the day. Every day when we pack up, I tell them to put their jackets inside their backpacks. Everyday when we line up at the door I tell them to grab their jackets, telling certain tables to look and claim their jackets that are still sitting there. No one listens to me at the end of the day though. Once center time is over, their ears suddenly become deaf to everything. Her response to my email? "He told me he looked. Can you help him find it tomorrow?" Really lady? Your son did not look. His jacket is always left on the floor somewhere random in my classroom. I have never witnessed him going around to each lumpy blue clothpile and check the tag. Liar. If you haven't noticed, I'm a little behind on my own work. I don't have time to go on a clothes hunt for your irresponsible son.