Most of my time is spent with thoughts consumed by teaching--what has happened in my week and what I need to get done. My blogs have turned from matters of the heart to matters of the career world. This weekend however, brought to light some matters of the heart that I wanted to share. Saturday was a double whammy with two weddings for me to attend. The first one was right across the street from my house, so I biked over with my parents--the gift sitting in the basket. It was good idea to ride in theory, but turned out to be an awful decision. I was trying to keep up with my parents who were on their tandem, which is a lot heavier and faster than mine with both of them pedaling. It's important to note that I haven't exercised in two months because I've still been sick. I haven't come that close to throwing up in years. I felt so dizzy and nauseous when I got off my bike. I couldn't walk up the hill to get water. I sent my parents running for it while I collapsed on the dirt by the parking lot. It was not a good situation. Every time I took a drink of water I thought I was going to puke. I thought I was fine after about 10 minutes. But standing upright--even leaning against the fence was too much. I sat back down in the dirt. Then I had to lie down in the dirt because I was feeling so whoozy. I didn't think I was going to be able to attend the wedding, but I didn't know how I was going to get home either. It was awful. Thank goodness, it all passed, and I was able to make my way up the hill to sit in the shade. But then I had to move because my spot was right where the bridal party was going to be walking through. So I went to sit in the sun where the ceremony set up was. Then I almost died some more. So I went back to the shade and sat in the dirt after the wedding was well on its way. Thankfully, once the reception began, we had a spot in the shade and I felt revived. After that I was able to enjoy myself. The wedding was lovely--very much emulating the carefree spirit of my friend Becky. She was lovely. It was nice spending time with some of my good friends from high school too.
But before that wedding was over I dashed off to the next. I had to get home and change dresses because the other one got a little dirty...sitting on the ground and all. So I put on an evening dress and headed to Carlsbad.
I made it just in time, and jumped into the row next to my best friend's family and husband. I was glad to know other people there to sit with and hang out with--ones that I love to catch up with and don't get to see much anyway. :)
The wedding was beautiful. It was perfect in every way. Jessi came out and looked so breathtaking. Her dress couldn't have been more perfect. She looked so romantic and whimsical. It was fun for me to watch this marriage because I feel like my personality is very similar to Jessi's. And there is no one I've seen that matches together so perfectly as Jessi and Josh. They compliment each other so well. It was like watching a movie, and they were the carefully picked stars of the show. You can't have a good chick flick without a couple who has perfect chemistry.
I went home feeling so overwhelmed and in love--in love with the Lord. I was struck by how much He cares about those details in our lives. He created Jessi with Josh in mind, and vice versa. I know that He's done the same for me. My future husband was formed by the hand of God with me in mind. There's no one else on earth who is more perfectly matched to me than he is. What an amazing fact! I felt so happy and at peace this weekend knowing that the God of the universe cares about me enough to do that for me. I was overwhelmed with excitement for the day that God chooses to bring my perfect man into the picture. Because that day is going to be just so...perfect.
At Josh and Jessi's wedding, they handed out a little notecard of info about where they'll be living and going to church, etc. The church they picked was the one that my wonderful friend and former mentor attends and leads worship. I sang once at her church with her a long while ago, and before that she was a worship leader at my church. She's probably been the most influential person in my years of worship ministry. This week of teaching had left me feeling very drained. I found I had no desire to go anywhere on Sunday. For some reason my church just didn't have the spark in my mind like it usually does. I think I was a little burnt out from serving so much these past few months, and I just wanted to get away somewhere. I confess that I planned to sleep in on Sunday, and if I woke up on time for church, great. If not, oh well. But the moment I saw the name of that church on that little piece of paper, something lit up inside of me. That's where I wanted to go! I felt a breath of fresh air with that plan in mind. Yes, I'd go there, surprise my friend, and be refreshed on my little hiatus.
I woke up at 9am the next morning and checked the service times. 10:45am. Perfect. I waltzed out the door with a spring in my step and an eagerness to hear my friend lead worship again. She's one of the most amazing worship leaders I know. The way she leads gives a call to the hearts of others to make them run freely to the arms of Jesus. I love it. I snuck in, a few minutes late due to traffic, gave her a wide smile and found a spot near the back. I could see her grinning at me with surprise and delight, but I closed my eyes and let the worries of the week fall from my shoulders. I opened my mouth in joyful praise from the child whose heart is so full of love for her Maker.
When worship was over, I snuck outside to catch her in case she wasn't planning on sitting in that service. She was able to sit with me, and was so cute and sweet about introducing me around to others. Everyone was so nice. It made my heart glad. The message was one I needed to hear. I love how a message can be about one thing, but that one small sentence in the big scheme of it can be the thing that takes hold of your heart and says, "Tabitha, this is for you." My one sentence was regarding my busyness: the pastor asked, "Are you so busy that people are secondary in your life? If your answer is yes, then something needs to change, because people are what really matter. People are our purpose." God whispered that to me and gently prodded my heart to respond. I responded, "Yes, I am too busy. My friendships have been put on the back burner. I've had so many who have asked to hang out, and I've put them aside...added them to the list of others."
I was wrestling with what to do about it because I am busy. My life is consumed with this career. I stay till 5pm and then bring more things home to work on. This week begins the ASL club I'm co-teaching. The craziness never ends while I'm investing in these children. I went home and texted a close friend of mine whom I haven't seen since her wedding in August. I had nothing happening this weekend other than singing on worship team Sunday, and I realized later that I have a three day weekend also. That's certainly welcome! So we made plans for lunch in Dana Point. I'm so looking forward to it.
Overall, I'm so glad I was able to go to church there on Sunday. Not only did I get to have a nice little catch-up with my friend, but I got to be drawn into her spirit-led worship, be introduced to a new song that I'm now obsessed with and want to learn to play, enjoy some conversations with some very nice people, get a message from God, and walk away feeling refreshed--without the cares I was burdened by after Parent-Teacher Conferences. It was all just what I needed. My Lord steals my breath away by His inner workings and movements of such small details in my life; He knows just what I need--just when I need it.