I really wish I could have been at Seven24 yesterday. I really miss the environment, the worship, and the people. I'm bummed I missed out on seeing Brian, Christie, Edwin, Amy, and Josiah too. But no, I had to spend Valentines Day watching other peoples' kids so they could go out with the love of their life. I'm not bitter. Really. Vday is just not my favorite day when I have no clue what's going on with my love life. Oh dear. Anyways, the point of this blog is not to vent because I know I will most likely say something I regret. I was watching a video on the worship from Seven24 last night, and the song has been stuck in my head all day. It seems to apply directly to my life right now. I don't typically get hymns stuck in my head because the wording is very complex in its old English. I often have a difficult time deciphering their entire meaning when I'm singing them at church. But today as I wandered aimlessly throughout the house asking God questions, various lines of the song came flooding to mind.
I hear the Savior say, "Thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray, Find in Me thine all in all."
I thought it was very ironic that I told God yesterday that I do trust he will give me the desires of my heart someday but I told him it was so hard to wait, and I just want to know how much longer I have to keep waiting. I hear him telling me like this song, "Tabitha, you grow weak from waiting, just like a small child, but you need to watch what I'm doing. You need to pray for that future day when I will bring him to you. And in the meantime, Tabitha, you need to look at Me to find everything you need."
I do grow weak and tired of waiting. My lack of doubt comes on days that are few and far between. Most of the time I spend uncertain and fearful. How I long to be freed from this pattern. I have seen growth of character over time, but when faced again with a situation that so often comes with disappointment, once again the doubts and weaknesses overpower the rest.
It amazes me that God is so faithful every single time. I would have given up on me a long time ago. Every time that sin comes in, he is faithful to answer my pleas for forgiveness and give me a new start. One of my friends is getting baptized next week, and I was thinking about how baptism is a visual representation of this fact. We cry out to be freed from the sins of the past, and God lets us bury them in the depths of the water and come up a new creation with a clean heart and a fresh start. What an amazing miracle!
It is my prayer today that in the midst of my weakness, I can find in God my all in all.